I have been placing so many calls
letting everyone know what’s been going on in my life over the years.
I know I am not recollecting things in order
but just the way they come to my mind.
You see I really felt I needed to understand my past
and how it shaped me and then let it go.
I may have made mistakes
but I never made a bad decision
I had to make decision that were right at that time
and I have learned from that.
I’ve been making lots of calls
to all over the world
it seems I’ve been struggling.
I can feel it in the tightness in my neck
and the aches in my bones
and I have been trying to make sense of it all
by talking about it.
I realize there’s something going on, like my body is on alert,
I am feeling extremely anxious and it’s throwing me around.
I don’t expect answers to the calls that I make
I guess I am really calling on myself
and making sure that I pick up
and am attentive to it all.
It’s about my Mother, you see, I can see she is not doing well
and I am worried because I don’t know what lies ahead
except things will only get worse
and accepting that it will only get worse
feels kind of harsh.
I realize how hard that will be.
I don’t want to see her suffer.
You see, I’ve been making these calls
because I want to be strong and present for this journey.
I’ve been calling because I think this might be the toughest
test in my life.
I’ve been placing calls
and in the directory of all of this
I have learned if I can relax I will get through this better
and it will be better for all
and then I will have a gift from her
the gift to learn to relax and to trust in myself
that I can carry with me through the rest of my life
and that’s why I made all those calls.
Thank you for taking this call.
Hi Harlon,
I thought your article would be about all the calls to insurance, Doctors, Pharmacists, the DEA, etc., etc.
I am new to your site but a fellow chronic pain person and enjoyed reading your piece. Yes. it takes a lot to open ourselves to our friends and family about what’s “really” going on with us.
I often tend on the side of little to no communication about such as really, there is nothing to say or to be done.
I always feel good though opening up to those who also share the journey, as long as, and I’m sure you and we all here can appreciate, it doesn’t spiral into negativity.
It’s hard enough as it is and I find I am stronger if I can practice positivity.
Certainly there are days….
I tend to hibernate during the truly dark days.
I am “launching” tomorrow my own chronic pain site and I hope it brings you some comfort if you check it out.
Take good care!
I’ll be following you 😉
With Love, the great healer,
dawn
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Ah! My friend. I’m on the line if you need me. I can’t tell you exactly why I have.not responded to our collaboration…but after reading this I think maybe I do know…maybe this project should be delayed. There is so much going on…and I see just how much I’ve missed. I send my deepest love…and like I said…I am here!!! ♡
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Dear Lorrie, yes, this one was a bit of a buzzkill for our collaboration. Winter seems to bring out the blue side of me so I’ve been writing about more difficult things, it’s a process that helps me find the rope that I can hold on to as I navigate these feelings. I don’t think we’ve seen the sun for two weeks now….bummer. Well, we both know, grey skies are going to clear up. Much love, Harlon
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Put on a happy face!! That’s me singing to you…and sending a beautiful day full of brilliant sunshine. Harlon, I am so like that…really think I suffered from SAD…and also get the blues in the winter.
My new thing is sitting with the blues…or whatever it may be…and allowing it. I used to think I had to get out of it quickly…and spent so much time fighting it….I think it only prolonged my agony.
Sending you love ♡♡
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Dear Lorrie, I am always amazed and touched by how my evolution is modeled by yourself. I know I have been writing about some difficult stuff lately, it’s my way of processing and my method of learning to cope and learn. What has really come to the forefront, whether I am feeling anxiety or whether I am feeling unwell, is to just be with it. It’s not as bad as I think it is going to be, I can find calmness in the storm and it is certainly much less work than fighting it. Ultimately, I think by allowing it to be, then new doors, new ways of being and thinking emerge. Hugs, Harlon
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Yes, Harlon!! YES!! This is very important information. Love and hugs ❤
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So true that our decisions are all we can make at the time and they lead us to where we are, for good or for bad, but hopefully learning something on the way.
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i find your characters
deep and realistic 🙂
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Thank you, I really mean it, thank you so much! Peace, Harlon
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From your mother to you to your friends. Courage and love x
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Thank you Isabel, you are a class act in a world that seems to be running a bit scant in class acts. Hugs, Harlon
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I love this. There’s so much to learn from what you write. More power to your words. Blessings. 🙂
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Thank you Sweta, it’s so nice to receive such kind warm words on a cold January day in Canada. Blessings to you also. 🙂 Harlon
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Same here. 😊
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blessings to you
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“and then I will have a gift from her
the gift to learn to relax and to trust in myself”
❤
Hugs
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I wish you both peace
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It takes courage and love to be there for your mother, and you have both. Thank you for making the calls. We are here and we hear you.
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Harlon you are doing the best thing rite now
talking about it
There no way to say what one
Should or shouldn’t do
Those boots of yours got to hit
The ground there’s no other way
But walk beside life
And never ever hide
You know where to find me
The Sheldon Perspective
(These words are for me as much as they mite help you)
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Thank you for placing the call..
I hope you find the gift to relax and trust in yourself. Not sure which of those might be the greater .. perhaps they go hand in hand.
Peace.
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This journey…. Its not like any other. May your heart stay strong, and your soul keep enlightened Harlon, your post is so beautiful, and meaningful.
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Very touching post Harlon. I’m glad you’ve found a way to relax, trust and prepare to better help yourself and mother. I bet many of us would answer the call. blessings, Brad
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Thank you Brad 🙂
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My pleasure Harlon.
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call and calligraphy : back for hope.
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Thank you Harlon for your never ending insight and beautiful courageous reflections. Death isn’t something that happens to us, it’s something that we do and I glean from your many writings that there are countless deaths along the way. Blessings.
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The best thing about facing difficulties in life is that it either makes us or breaks us. Depends on the way we see it.
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