I hear about the new normal
like it’s something I should be
I never got the first one right
so I am not sure how this should go any differently.
OK.
I wish I could function normally
but it seems to be something
beyond my reach
I go to sleep under the blanket of the night
in poor quality
but I can’t even seem to get that part right
I take pills
it’s a cost I pay
but then I wake up in the middle of the night
stepping out of a nightmare
I am anxious, afraid
I know we don’t understand sleep that well anyway
so it’s not like there is a solution delivered to my driveway
I can’t get back to sleep
I don’t want to take more pills
and if I fall back to sleep
If I do
and then I end up sleeping the day away
I miss meetings and conversations
I had scheduled that day
I feel like I am unsleeping my life away
trying to function on a nickel and a dime
knowing what I am gambling with is time
I wish I could function normally
more for you, than for me
I guess that’s why my friends have given up on me
but I am functioning
as normal as I can be
that’s who I am
that’s all I can be.
Harlon, this is a touching post. I know a fair number of people with serious trouble sleeping, and I have that trouble, too, at times. If I NEED to sleep, because of special duties the next day, that’s when I have the most trouble. As some here seem to say — sleep on schedules is not normal, really. Primitive people didn’t have schedules; we’re not intended to go to sleep on schedule and wake up on schedule. Medicine doesn’t help for long, and can be part of the problem, I quite agree. I seem to be helped most by music of a beautiful kind before bed. I watch videos of pretty singing with my laptop on my lap, sitting on my comfortable sofa. Sometimes fall asleep and am annoyed, but that’s okay. I go upstairs to bed and if I don’t fall asleep, or wake up much too soon, I have a book on tape handy. I turn it on next to me in bed; often I go to sleep listening and can’t find my place in the morning. If something awful is on my mind, though, then I do take medicine enough to help me, but mostly I stay away from pills as you do. Sometimes I wake up in the night and am hungry. I go downstairs and fix me up a good snack, and often that its me back to sleep. I don’t know if any of this relates to you, or could possibly help, but it’s good to know, anyway, that you’re not alone, as your friends here attest. You have a lot more friends and Commentators on your blog than I do — and that’s something!
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We are normal
The others are not
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Normal is as unique as each of us. We all have our own normal and the media sells perfection. You are a beautiful normal, sleepless and all
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Thank you, and I think you raised such an important issue – which truly is a barrier to living our lives beautifully – “the media sells perfection”. Yes it does and that creates a sense of failure. Fuck the media! Hugs, Harlon
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Hi Harlon,
The only thing I’ve given up, is normal – at least as a concept.
I’m not what it is.
Much Love to you,
Ka
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Careful what you wish for. 😉
Kindness – Robert.
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I know this place Harlon…
my sleep is deeply compromised now.
I wrote a piece on my site the other day about it…
and I’m now trying something called “Restrictive Sleep Therapy.”
Sounds fun.
Right?!?
And yes, the medicine….I use those too, with similar “costs”.
And too…
I believe now that anyone living with a debilitating chronic condition knows that friends, yes, too, and real friends, cannot always do the “things” that are required now, now that we are sick and no longer the people we once were.
No judgement.
Just is.
I wonder with your post…
and a tangent I’m on of late:
if, in the not “simply accepting my condition”,
all of it,
the sleep deprivation,
related mood “dips,
mood “dips” related to the other aspects of my deteriorating health…
all of it,
if I would not be better off gently accepting it, everything, all of it.
Stop fighting and judging the process.
And too, finally, let go of who I once was.
Sending Love
And may Peace be with you
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When I get to know people who seemed normal on the outside, I find out they are not any more normal than I am, and that we all got our mess. The older I get, the less sure I am about what normal means. Is it normal to stay up on the computer until 2am? I used to wake up every morning at 4 am, even if I stayed up late. I decided to practice meditation and/or prayer so that even if I didn’t go back to sleep, I’d be strengthening those skills. With that attitude, I tended to fall back to sleep more often, but not always, and now, I sleep later in the morning than I intended. Harlon, you are a gift. I wish you more rest and more moments of peace, whether asleep or awake. ❤
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Thinking of you, Harlon. The good news is I don’t know if there really is a normal–only the paths our wandering hearts take to find freedom. And the really good news, they never give up, they know exactly what they’re doing, and they always arrive… Wishing you a clear passage.
Peace
Michael
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Harlon, real friends don’t give up on you. There may be a price to pay for not being normal, but when you’re different you stand out more. I wish you more of the rest that you need coupled with more of the love that you want.
xxx Huge Hugs xxx
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Sad text,…Sucess! an be happy! 🙂
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Normal to me is to be able to chill
and not think
Or obsess
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Whatever normal is, I suspect it would be a relief.
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According to Native American legends, there was a Coyote, who stayed up all night, working hard, shooting up all the stars into the sky, and arranging them in animal shapes for the other animals to enjoy their reflections in the sky. Sometimes, the howl of that Coyote still rings within us, keeping us up. May you enjoy the stars. ❤
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Touching. Good intentions. There is a difference between normal and average. I wish you success your way. All the best!
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Ah! Harlon 💖
I get this. Sending my love to you wrapped in a sparkling heart!
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Let ii be, night and day… 🙂
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