Down and Counting

Posted on by Harlon

I can hear it through the walls

People are having parties, laughing and having fun.

I am in my new apartment, home from dialysis,

half-unpacked and alone.

One might think I am living the cavalier life

gallivanting and having fun

but life is not a party

when you are just a party of one.

I am not doing a very good job

of not letting myself get down.

People are reaching out to me

but I respond like I am not around.

It seems to me that with all that is happening

that it makes sense that I am stressed.

I know things will get better

but right now I am down and depressed.

 

36 thoughts on “Down and Counting”

  4. Sending so much love ❤
    This is a huge life change for you…and change is hard enough when we feel well. Be gentle with yourself my friend. I have been challenged and not nice to myself in the past and I can tell you it is much better to be challenged and kind.
    I miss you…I send you beautiful white healing light. ❤ ❤

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  7. It’s hard to be in a place so dark, but give yourself time to come to terms with your situation. There are better days to come, remember to smile on both the bad and the good days, because God made them all. It’ll be well, as long as you believe it. Much love. ❤Praying for you

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    • Thank you for your kind comment – and yes you are right, my current situation is difficult and I think the best thing to do is be real about that. Then the next real thing I can do is accept that things will get better, and indeed better days are to come. Peace, Harlon

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  8. I agree with Isabel: get out in nature and with Kelly: “an entire community is thinking of you, sending warm and positive vibes your way, and waiting to hear from you.” Maybe consider one of those people who is reaching out to you for just a little contact. I’m sending good wishes and gentle hugs to you. ❤

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    • Thanks JoAnna, and those are wise words – getting into nature. Perhaps that is why I am struggling so much – it’s winter…and it’s been a very grey one here, so nature doesn’t provide me with the therapy that it normally can, but indeed reaching out to this wonderful supportive community can. That is what I did, and look at all the love that was returned. This was a difficult post for me to publish, but sharing the difficult stuff makes it less difficult, especially when people respond with care. Thank you for yours! Much love, Harlon

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    • That is the best advice and has always been my go to peace of mine, I have to say that I struggle with Canadian winters…a big part of me is just counting the days so spring. I am learning with depression, at least for me, is to set small goals, and realistic expectations. I think I just need to be patient, creative and how nice it will be when winter is over. Hugs, Harlon

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  17. I, too, thought we hadn’t heard from you in a while. The key line of your post: “I know things will get better” – yes, they will. Every thing has its season. In the meantime, know that an entire community is thinking of you, sending warm and positive vibes your way, and waiting to hear from you. Peace to you.

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    • Thanks Kelly, and yes, what makes this powerful is that I do have a community that supports me. I think what I am going through is temporal – but it also feels difficult and I feel tested – but knowing that people care encourages me to elevate and to be patient, it’s just a rough patch – and joy lays ahead. Hugs, Harlon

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  18. I’ve thinking I hadn’t seen or heard from you..life throws curve balls but they can also slow down..Harlon the best piece of advice I can give you is metaphorical but it works for me..you are a soldier of one on a army of the few…..and God sake please stay away from the black hole
    As always Sheldon

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    • Dearest Sue, thank you – and what a delight it is to hear from you, maybe that’s what I need is to know that I am still real in some circles and that people care. xoxo Harlon

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