A Sea of Emotions

Although it’s difficult to see or believe, I think that now may be a time of prosperity for me in some way.  I am experiencing some sort of windfall.  When I think of prosperity, I can think of it in different ways.  It would be great to win the lottery or have the Pick 6 at Aqueduct, but there is prosperity in relationships that are peaceful, that are supportive and caring.

So much of what I feel right now can depend on how I am feeling when I look at things or explore my feelings.  Sometimes, it’s just not a good time to do some serious thinking because my thoughts are slanted.  I am on a weird medication right now, and it’s creating false euphoria, mood swings, insomnia.  It’s not pretty, so now is definitely not a good time for me to be looking into any kind of mirror.

Some days I feel I am being just plain lazy and not doing anything.  However, what I need most for me to achieve future stability is being restful in the present.  Stability is a strange thing, contrary to itself, it is not always there, but I think that there is always a solid vibration of stability, and that is what I can do. I must remember that I have been through a lot and I am still convalescing; and I can trace this back to a period of extreme mental pressure. Now is a good time to gather my thoughts, reflect on what has been achieved and a enjoy a peaceful interlude, to connect to the vibration of stability.

As things change, they will appear as change but may feel like instability or they can also appear as escapism.  My choices are important or they could lead to depression, to me just going deeper and deeper into the waters before I don’t know what I want anymore, where I am anyway.

I will find peace in troubled times, that is often where it nests. There will a be a time soon for me when I can leave my worries and sorrows behind.

I have been so emerged in the role of caregiver that I forgot how to take care of myself. It’s time to take my caregiver spirit and turn it around so that it is facing me.

Rest through prosperity and solidarity, rest by stability, rest by trusting myself. This is a  journey and journeys can mark the end of a hard time. They can be restorative, they can create solidarity and stability.  They can be prosperous.