Circuit Breaker

Saturday night in my own room and listening to Rickie Lee Jones and thinking I can change what I don’t think is right so that it is better and creates moments of dignity and peace of mind to replace the nothingness and the being of what we are allowed to be, making sure the light bulb in the No Exit sign doesn’t get replaced. Adapting to the post part of my post traumatic stress disorder.  Learning from my experiences, before sedation I could hear the sound of yours and grow from them as we share via late night transistor radio frequency turning the dial so we don’t replay unnecessary sadness. Is this the Prisoner’s Dilemma or The Tragedy of The Commons? Life has plenty of sadness which needs to be there, strangers befriending and crossing wires and cutting lines, emitting cruelty and senselessness selfishness and spirits, mean and altered.  Put the fork in the toaster before the bread begins to burn.

In the same room of Saturday nights since I was born.  My room where I am alone.  I’ve been so far but in this moment I feel that I have gone no where and no one is looking for me and there are fewer satellites that can get me out of here than before.

Saturday night thinking of loving and being loved, of laughing and of piece of mind, of being in the clear space uncluttered of the cruelty and senselessness selfishness of ego and mean spirits and others that alter.

The house has changed, carbon dioxide detectors, fire alarms, packaged differently, smaller sizes, higher prices, organic in large print, mold on the cheese. Nothing is new there’s just more of nothing of what has always been here of you leaving me alone and me leaving you so that I can be alone in my room alone and remembering.

 

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3 thoughts on “Circuit Breaker

  1. Thank you for following my blog. I am returning the favor.
    PTSD is cruel and unfortunately happens all too often. Spend some time in the sunshine and less alone in your room. I can appreciate the need for quietness. One of my meds seems to make my world a noisier place.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Been there, done that.. practically every Saturday night? What to change… well, start accepting invitations from friends. Not the friends that make you feel sub-standard, but the ones that lift you up. If you have none of those, than elimate all that do and those ones will surface to the top. I only speak of what I’ve learned in my own journey. You sure do look like a guy worthy of love. Do you know you are worthy for JUST BEING BORN? Yes, and you are not a product of your mistakes. I am an inspirer.. that is my role in life but make no mistakes, I spend Saturday nights a many not being loved by a man. But I still persist.. though if you read my blog through insurmountable pain and obstacles, in believing that will happen to me. So I say to you man of pain, believe.

    Liked by 1 person

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