What is that melancholy that sweeps over me at night?

It’s not loneliness, anymore.

I know the remedy is balance.

I wish there was someone here I could talk to about my day.

I can talk with Mom and it is great go have those conversations.

but sometimes I feel blue and I’ve got the redeye 

return to melancholy

even though I followed the guidelines.

I think I need others to socialize with.

More laughter is always a good rule.

Laughter. Not gone, not jaded, just hesitant I suppose.

I have to look hard and deep within myself; am I ready to share?

I don’t know what I want. Most of that has been lost.

Like night vision and manners.

How much?

Is it worth it?

How far can I go?

I love the conversations I have with my Mom

and I enjoy spending time with her.

You see, though, there is some sadness within that.

I know how this story is going to end

  • not when.

The best thing I can is accept the sadness.

It’s another emotion in life.

12 thoughts on “Present

  1. Hi Harlon,

    I felt a kindredness reading this. What I first thought of when I read this was the nights during college when I would go over to a friend’s place and we would grill something and watch a ball game. And then get ice cream. And just talk. And laugh. They were treasures. Finding those people and those moments is an unbelievable thing, and I think if you have that with your mother it’s special indeed. When I graduated I moved to another part of the country and said good-bye to my mother in some ways and to most people I knew, and it was really hard. I’ll never forget when my mother said good-bye, even though since then she moved closer, and it was only a temporary good-bye. Still, that moment of departure was like an entire life flashing in an instant. A weather shift.

    I realized there is sadness to every change, and that it is beautiful, even if we can see it coming sometimes. Seeing it coming can bowl us over for sure. When I got married I realized I’d committed wholly, pushed all my chips across the table and it was glorious. On the one hand it was an unbelievable feeling– to know and be known so fully– but at the same time one night soon after I found myself awake and alone in a dark house while my wife was sleeping and I was sad. It just crashed into me. Because these things, these burnt chicken dinners with friends and these souls that find us across eons of time and space to give us gifts incomprehensible, they never last indefinitely in their current form. Creation is always tumbling and swirling.

    There is a tenet in A Course of Love I love to reflect upon in times like these, and that is that there is no loss, only gain. It makes me swallow hard. And it makes you want to cry to take stock of the places you find support today and know that they will change, only to reveal an even deeper Love that has always been the fundamental nature of every love we’ve ever known. And to realize we are awakening to it all around. Bit by bit. Sadness to sadness, joy to joy.

    Peace, from a kindred spirit,

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks JoAnna, the experiencing of getting to my Mom so well for the amazing person she is is something that I will never, ever regret. The sadness is just something that I can aware of, and take that awareness and have some fun. As challenging as this seems at times, it is the most rewarding experience in my life and when it comes to giving care, I care WELL. Love (and sorry for all the loud letters xoxo) Harlon

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Sadness is a rich emotion. Some people get it mixed up with depression. Unexpressed sadness can lead to depression, though if it becomes chronic. Any unexpressed emotion can. But sadness can be so so cleansing when expressed. I find I can express it through tears or with laughter. As Joni Mitchell once said “Laughter and crying, you know it’s the same release.” And yes, there are so many lessons in sadness. Always something deeper to explore within it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello Mary, it is a rich emotion, good eye on that one. I used to think it was just sneaky, but it can yield and also inspire a lot of power. It’s nice sometimes to peel a bit of pain away and say I am living and if I need a new coat of paint, well Joni Mitchell might be a better anecdote. Love, Harlon

      Liked by 3 people

  3. We can learn to accept sadness as just another emotion but it can be a crippling emotion if you don’t have the opportunity to share it, to give voice to it and have someone understand. I hope you can find the person in whose closeness you find you can be unburdened by talk and the warmth of their company.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks David, something felt funny after I hit publish. I agree, sadness is an emotion and it shows up strongly and often. I think it:s good to observe where the sadness is coming from and so sadness does have a good side in reminding me to remember all the good stuff and let my mind wander in happy memories.. Sadness is not a good emotion to linger in, so talking or distracting works well for casing the blues away. Thanks again David for your wise comment. Peace, Harlon

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Hello my dear friend ❤ I believe exactly what Ka responded above…after a period of sadness and introspection comes great fruit! You are in my thoughts always…and I am only but an email away to “talk” with! Thinking good thoughts about you ❤

    Liked by 4 people

      • Thanks Ka, I know what you say is right and I am glad to be experiencing this existence, sadness is an emotion that I don’t let overstay it’s welome. I will feel it, there will be something in that act, a lesson learned, a funny story, and the beauty continues. I am glad that I am a sensitive guy, and I love the richness of emotions and hence the need for balance – my oil and vinegar counts must be off. Haa! Peace, Harlon

        Liked by 3 people

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