Up For Grabs

I have thought it all through

my self-guided tour

what is behind me is behind me

and I will always try to carry the best forward.

As I move forward,

I know I am safe here

where I am now,

there is nothing wrong with resting

before I move on.

The next while will be tough

that much I know,

I don’t know how long it will last

or how exactly it will go or how rough.

It is the uncertainty

that is getting the better of me.

It is the uncertainty

that is the source of all of this anxiety.

I find it hard to settle

with what will be will be

when I don’t feel like I know

what or when will be.

Another chapter will start

but I am reading the pages of this one

rather furiously.

I am afraid of what the next page might say,

unexpectedly.

25 thoughts on “Up For Grabs

  1. Ah! I wish I was with you, my friend!! Well…I am ALWAYS with you…but would like to be in the gardens with you.
    I know we are facing similar life events…so you know I KNOW what you are going through. And honestly, I can say that thinking about you and your life gives me great strength!!
    Here’s to trusting that everything is unfolding exactly as it is supposed to.
    Much love to you, Harlon 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. May you be what will be, Harlon! Now there may be some new sections of the park opening up the self-guided tour hasn’t reached before. But what we know… the park is beautiful… May the surprises be heart-opening and gentle!

    Peace
    Michael

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Michael, I agree the park is beautiful and full of surprises and mystery. What fun it would be to share those moments with you, until then, I may find myself wandering astray from the beaten path, which I think could be a good thing.
      Peace, Harlon

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Mental nourishment for thought, Harlon. Have you ever considered leaning into the uncertainty? Intentionally stepping into the discomfort? Few people are comfortable taking this action. Because it’s 😧 fearful. Yet what’s to lose and more importantly, what might be gained? Possibilities? New perspectives? Growing more comfortable with uncertainty? Lots of questions. Something tells me you have more strength than your words convey. Willing to give it a try? 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Eric, thank you for your thoughtful and genuine comment. I believe you have provided me with some words of wisdom. I often write about what I am finding difficult, it’s my therapy, and from the writing, the expression, I seem to be able to move forward, either through self-awareness of the guidance of others who can relate. Yes, I am willing to give it a try, and will lean into the uncertainty. What is the worse thing that could happen, only just giving it a try. Peace, Harlon

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Taking a step forward into the abyss has always terrified me. Yet, if we are to move forward with our lives, step we must. I found strength and courage with each small and firm step forward. Taking regular rests along the way is a must on life’s long journey. Take time, too, to smile and talk with a stranger 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Rosaliene, I agree that moving forward is not a race, but rather one day, one single step along the way is important – I believe that is how change happens. I love your advice “to smile and talk with a stranger” – it is the only thing now, that is on my list of things to do. Much love, Harlon

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Harlon we are living parallel lives again….get in touch when you are back.

    On Thu, Feb 15, 2018 at 1:09 AM, A Patient Voice wrote:

    > Harlon posted: ” I have thought it all through my self-guided tour what is > behind me is behind me and I will always try to carry the best forward. As > I move forward, I know I am safe here where I am now, there is nothing > wrong with resting ” >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It seems to me we do the parallel lives thing very well. I must say, I have been missing you dearly, I think this vacation is doing it’s job at hitting the “reset” button and I look forward to spending time, lots of time, with you when I return. Much love, some hugs and kisses, Harlon

      Like

  6. Transitions are always hard, whether it is a new chapter, a move, a change in being. I believe whatever you need in the moment to move forward will be there for you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree, with change often comes the feeling of apprehension, yet as I reflect, I have always made change or follow change, somehow we figure it out, sometimes by agreeing to disagree or vice versa. The journey never stops, it continues to move forward, with bumps on the road or easy curves. I think if I can tap into that element of trusting myself, then I can trust the process and as you so elegantly put it, whatever I need in the moment will be there for me. Thank you so much Mary for your comment, and how impactful it was for me as a focal point, as a moment, when I know I can do this. Huge hugs, Harlon

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Don’t be afraid. Life for some reason always turns out. I don’t know if it’s just because we come to terms with what is or what. There is always something positive, might be hard to see but it’s there. I think you are pretty awesome though and I really like reading your writing!:) So smile lots and laugh uncontrollably as much as possible.:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Robert, I agree life is not always an upward line on a chart, there are moments of doubt, of fear, of joy and of regret. I look forward to my return so we can drive over each other’s bumps. xoxo Harlon

      Like

    1. Thank you Derrick, what a great comment, it is almost as if you were reading my mind. When I write is often about what feels difficult, I find writing to be great therapy for when I am feeling stuck. What is so uncanny is as I wrote this post, this song started running through my min. Whatever will be, will be. I am very grateful that you are supporting the soundtrack of my life.
      There is probably an emoji I could insert right now, but I am technologically challenged, but please know, after your response, that there is a big giant happy face, which is quite literally, on my face. Blessings, Harlon

      Liked by 1 person

  8. The anxiety from uncertainty reminds me of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” There is goodness and strength within you, Harlon. And it is perfectly okay to rest a while before the next chapter or the next adventure.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Dear JoAnna, you have an incredible sense of making your words become music to my ears. What a great and relevant quote! As you know by now, I often write about the difficult, because putting it into words often gets it out of my mind. Thank you for the compliment and your encouragement. I am taking a rest and being in the moment. Today’s moment is a trip to the Botanical Gardens, you can never go wrong with birds, butterflies, bromeliads and orchids.
      Thanks JoAnna, again, for reminding me to reset my compass so I move forward at my own speed, in my own direction, and nature and kindness are the best tour guides.
      xoxo Harlon

      Liked by 2 people

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