I knew what I was leaving
I didn’t know if I should
but I knew, I knew for me
28 days away would be good.
I was in the sunshine
I was basking it all in
but something told me
things would not change when I came back again.
Things turned difficult
I had hoped at the very best things would be the same
I think there is a word and they call it a “shitstorm”
and soon her diseases will all have a name.
Then there is all the bullshit
of being on disability
I am expected to provide documentation
It’s just not my priority.
Can I do this?
Can anyone can?
My family is strong and powerful
we are united and we are strong.
There seem to be so many cracks
for all of us to fall through
it’s only me,
and I don’t have a you.
I know things will not get better
we must prepare for difficult discourse
when you have family
you can deal with the worse.
But when you are alone and remembering
the nights get dark and lose their scope
there is living and dying
I just don’t know if I can cope.