I knew what I was leaving

I didn’t know if I should

but I knew, I knew for me

28 days away would be good.

I was in the sunshine

I was basking it all in

but something told me

things would not change when I came back again.

Things turned difficult

I had hoped at the very best things would be the same

I think there is a word and they call it a “shitstorm”

and soon her diseases will all have a name.

Then there is all the bullshit

of being on disability

I am expected to provide documentation

It’s just not my priority.

Can I do this?

Can anyone can?

My family is strong and powerful

we are united and we are strong.

There seem to be so many cracks

for all of us to fall through

it’s only me,

and I don’t have a you.

I know things will not get better

we must prepare for difficult discourse

when you have family

you can deal with the worse.

But when you are alone and remembering

the nights get dark and lose their scope

there is living and dying

I just don’t know if I can cope.