Frost Warning

Posted on by Harlon

frost

It’s the chair on the deck in the backyard where I get up each morning and sit and have a coffee and a cigarette. It’s where I start thinking about today. I notice that I am feeling a lot of pain.

From the chair I rise up and walk around the garden and observe. The Zoologist in me emerges. I observe, I bend, I lean, I tend. The pain lessons.

It’s the chair on the deck in the backyard where I sit at night after my Mom has gone to bed. I have one cigarette and a couple of cocktails. My mother is dying.

From the chair, I rise I creak, I fumble and sneak, get into bed and hide under the sheets and trap in the heat. The sadness settles like fog in hollow spaces.

It’s gotten cold now and the chair on the deck in the backyard has been put away for the winter.

15 thoughts on “Frost Warning”

  4. Beautifully written. Beautifully sad. So much emotion, loneliness, isolation in just a few words. Thank you for sharing with us so much of yourself. I admire your courage.

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  6. It’s so hard when your mother is passing away. I remember my father taking care of my mother in her last years when his health was not good. Miraculously, he has continued to live his life without her for the past several years. your words are deeply moving, and I hope healing. I wish for you a warm place to find moments of peace and comfort. Sending hugs and prayers.

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  7. I’m sorry about your mom, Harlon. I know this is difficult for you right now and having physical pain to contend with only makes things worse.

    Remembering good times will hopefully bring you some comfort, my friend. Sending prayers your way.

    J

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  10. Harlon…I am literally choked up…the lump in my throat would prevent me from speaking…heck it almost prevents my fingers from typing.

    I know there is a cycle to life, but as I enter this slightly past middle age stage and both my parents are still with us with varying degrees of dysfunction, I know that time waits for no one. And I send you lots of real compassion. And I honor you…and I know your mother does also. ♡♡♡

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  11. Hi Harlon
    Being a caregiver when you need one yourself can suck. I took care of both grandparents while they were dying. It’s so hard to become the parent and for most to have anyone to tell them what to do. It’s a lonely and thankless job depending on their level of illness. I’m glad you had a chair to relax in.Giving yourself a few minutes to think. Time to find and indoor chair to relax in, probably still have to go outside. If she using Oxygen, smoking is a big no. I had to put a sign on front door, the hillbilly side of family. I kept a dairy of each for health reason, I kept several books on each. I touch the books and I can remember only the good times.
    Don’t forget to take of your health, less stress keeps you healthier.
    I’ll keep you both in my prayers.
    Hugs
    Melinda

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  13. The void will become full again Harlon
    Trust me, time takes patience by the hand,it seem distant, remote,you are allowed this pain my friend ,you just can’t become a resident. Take some time for yourself this weekend
    As always sheldon

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