Next Chapter

Although the snow is falling gently,

I am feeling like I am acting mentally.

Sometimes, I think I am going to lose my mind.

As I move from one chapter

that as caregiver

to what is after

how do I anticipate what is the other.

I am uncertain,

can I keep going on

and still stay strong

because at some point it will only be me.

I guess the best thing is to keep on going,

be loving and caring

but I am struggling because I am not growing.

Sometimes, this feels like it is going nowhere.

It will all be fine

in the end

but when I think of that, that is

where the darkness begins to descend.

15 thoughts on “Next Chapter

  1. Harlon, what you are going through is one of the hardest things we can do. We put our life on hold for the comfort of others and it is physically and mentally exhausting. It is a process that is full of ALL the emotions. Be gentle with yourself and don’t let yourself feel guilty for your feelings. When my dad finally passed I struggled with guilt over feeling relief but I knew at least he was no longer suffering and that helped me through. Today, while I cherish every day I have with my mom I am still left frazzled and exhausted. I have recently connected with like caregivers and it has been a huge help to know I am not alone. Harlon, you are not alone. 💋

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you SO MUCH for this message, it is when I feel that I am in this all alone that I discombobulate. The voice, your voice, lifts me and reminds me, most importantly of all, that I am not alone. xo Harlon

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As someone who often worries about the future, I am still learning to have faith and bring myself back tot the present. Yes, you are growing, and I believe you will grow even more in the next chapter. But today is all you need to do. I hope you find beauty in today. I know you are capable. I’ve seen that beauty in you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’d like to respectfully challenge your perspective, Harlon. You are growing! Perhaps the lens through which you are currently viewing matters – clouds your growth. Yet your words and your emotions speak growth, even if incrementally. I invite you to consider life and living, now, rather than an end. Revel in the love and light that is with you, now. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Eric, and I wholeheartedly accept your challenge. The future begins now and I can choose to bask in the love and light that is within me and around me. Peace, my friend. Harlon

      Like

  4. I wanted to wish you what ever would make you the happiest my friend,that is the most important right now,I know the weight of the world might be ……. But the one who is the most important is you
    Have a happy,and when the clock strike
    We will ring it in together
    The Sheldon Perspective

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Harlon
    After, when you’re alone is a scary and time of mixed emotions. It’s a time to grieve, be kind to your body, work thru any quilt, most caregivers feel some guilt. Our over caring nature is why we are caregivers. I admit it took me a long time to come out from under the caregiver person to finding who I was. Millions have this struggle and it’s not an easy one. Some of my first post are about caregiving for my granny and gramps, not sugar coated, that’s why I started the blog to get some of the emotion out.

    If you could talk more freely about the day to day challenges maybe that would allow some frustration to come to the surface. It may also bring new followers who you can learn from. If you would like to look in the archives, go back to 2005, you’ll find the caregiver post there.

    I’m always here. I have patience as you see and we will make magic happen one day.

    M

    Liked by 2 people

  6. You are loving and caring, and growing far more than you realize. When the end comes, you will be ready, and the Light will be clear. Much love for a loving, healthful and peaceful year.

    Liked by 1 person

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