Although the snow is falling gently,
I am feeling like I am acting mentally.
Sometimes, I think I am going to lose my mind.
As I move from one chapter
that as caregiver
to what is after
how do I anticipate what is the other.
I am uncertain,
can I keep going on
and still stay strong
because at some point it will only be me.
I guess the best thing is to keep on going,
be loving and caring
but I am struggling because I am not growing.
Sometimes, this feels like it is going nowhere.
It will all be fine
in the end
but when I think of that, that is
where the darkness begins to descend.
Harlon, what you are going through is one of the hardest things we can do. We put our life on hold for the comfort of others and it is physically and mentally exhausting. It is a process that is full of ALL the emotions. Be gentle with yourself and don’t let yourself feel guilty for your feelings. When my dad finally passed I struggled with guilt over feeling relief but I knew at least he was no longer suffering and that helped me through. Today, while I cherish every day I have with my mom I am still left frazzled and exhausted. I have recently connected with like caregivers and it has been a huge help to know I am not alone. Harlon, you are not alone. 💋
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Thank you SO MUCH for this message, it is when I feel that I am in this all alone that I discombobulate. The voice, your voice, lifts me and reminds me, most importantly of all, that I am not alone. xo Harlon
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😘
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As someone who often worries about the future, I am still learning to have faith and bring myself back tot the present. Yes, you are growing, and I believe you will grow even more in the next chapter. But today is all you need to do. I hope you find beauty in today. I know you are capable. I’ve seen that beauty in you.
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Thanks JoAnna, your support is part of what enables me to be capable. Thanks for shining light, as you do, in the beauty I may often, in difficult times,see in me. xo Harlon
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❤
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….we think about it when we reach it….?
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May you be as happy as you can be in the coming year
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It always was, is, and will be, just you. YOU have an excellent New Year. 🙂
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I’d like to respectfully challenge your perspective, Harlon. You are growing! Perhaps the lens through which you are currently viewing matters – clouds your growth. Yet your words and your emotions speak growth, even if incrementally. I invite you to consider life and living, now, rather than an end. Revel in the love and light that is with you, now. ❤️
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Thank you Eric, and I wholeheartedly accept your challenge. The future begins now and I can choose to bask in the love and light that is within me and around me. Peace, my friend. Harlon
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One can’t measure wisdom. Inner wisdom is timeless and (in a big way) measureless… and that is part of its beauty. Hoping you have an insightful and caring New Year! 🙂
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I wanted to wish you what ever would make you the happiest my friend,that is the most important right now,I know the weight of the world might be ……. But the one who is the most important is you
Have a happy,and when the clock strike
We will ring it in together
The Sheldon Perspective
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Harlon
After, when you’re alone is a scary and time of mixed emotions. It’s a time to grieve, be kind to your body, work thru any quilt, most caregivers feel some guilt. Our over caring nature is why we are caregivers. I admit it took me a long time to come out from under the caregiver person to finding who I was. Millions have this struggle and it’s not an easy one. Some of my first post are about caregiving for my granny and gramps, not sugar coated, that’s why I started the blog to get some of the emotion out.
If you could talk more freely about the day to day challenges maybe that would allow some frustration to come to the surface. It may also bring new followers who you can learn from. If you would like to look in the archives, go back to 2005, you’ll find the caregiver post there.
I’m always here. I have patience as you see and we will make magic happen one day.
M
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You are loving and caring, and growing far more than you realize. When the end comes, you will be ready, and the Light will be clear. Much love for a loving, healthful and peaceful year.
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