Cleaning My Mind

Sometimes I just sit on the side of the bed and think of what should be done next but nothing happens except times flies by.

I really want to e-mail Mark because it feels like we talk.

Then I owe an e-mail to Paul about why I am considering vocal lessons and deciding whether it’s something I can commit to.

The there’s the other Paul who I should be apologizing to for sending a message on Facebook when I was loopy on Tylenol 3s so he doesn’t think I’m some kind of junky.

What’s happened to my motivation, why am I ruled by lethargy, I am not sure if blaming it all on winter is a good enough excuse for me.

I want to call Lynnette and congratulate her on her marriage and I am long overdue for a phone call with Lisa because she’s been so loyal that we could truly become long-distance friends.

I  missed a phone call from Roula, and I never got back to her, and she’s someone I love so much in my life but I know I may lose her.

I think that my friends are giving up on me, now I wonder if I am just giving up on them, and maybe I am giving up on life in general.

I  like hiding, but my vision still needs testing, along with and EKG.

There’s Janice and there’s River, there’s Cathy to whom my promises I never deliver.

Sometimes when I do nothing that is my version of doing something.

I struggle because what I am doing is just being me, but in the winter, that means I close down and I know the best thing for my mind is to start engaging in activity.

11 thoughts on “Cleaning My Mind

  1. You’re me 😅. And you know why we are like this only.
    You lazy pig. Choose the first thing on ur list and just do it. You will feel better it’s guaranteed.
    Being alone makes you more alone which makes u want to be alone which makes u more alone….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I like to hide, too. It’s okay to enjoy the solitude of our own company. But I’ve found that life is richer with a few good friendships. I was also thinking you can pick one friend to contact when you are ready. Maybe one a day? I agree with Moi. Pick one that’s easy to get started.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. This will sound bad but not meant that way, but pick a person to call which takes the least effort, the one where a quick chat to say Hi would do, that may motivate a spur you on to contact the others.

    I know I can be terrible at keeping in touch with people too. But once you start the ball rolling it can make the rest of what you “need” to do fall in line.

    Liked by 2 people

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