Serene Adversity

serene

There is a whole map of my future that I haven’t spent much time studying, nor have I spent much time on seeing how accurate it really is. Perhaps now is a good time to discover some more things that are true.

That map suggests that if I follow the route of finding paid work and being in a loving relationship that I am much more likely to achieve my destination; joy and happiness.

That map, is a map of the future and I am still living on the map on the page before.  This is not Alaska, I am living in Alabama!

On the map of the page that is my present location, as much as I fear neglect and losing hope, it seems that the public transport system makes those destinations incredibly accessible.

If you look in the table of contents, you don’t even see happiness listed there. You’d think it would be the capital city or at least it would be a hub for something. I asked around, happiness isn’t on the map because it’s an inner state of being.

What is this strange hesitancy or fear or apathy I sometimes feel? It stops me from looking inside myself, to try to understand and identify the true essence of joy and sadness, love and hate.

What is that feeling? Maybe I just don’t want to look inside because I’m afraid that my core is living in a bad neighbourhood and I won’t like what I see there.

What about all the ways that I am being? What about all the things that I am doing to show that I care, the hard work it sometimes takes just to show up? Why does it feel sometimes that I have to try so hard?

Suffering. What is that?

Although my reservoir of hope sometime feels like it is being depleted, I know that I am spending more time trying to fix the leak rather than fill it right back up.

If I feel safe, I perform better. I know that much about myself. I have the ability to decide what I include in my life; the concept of safety stays.

I think what’s important is that I relax, that I be myself, that I practice the little tricks I practice so I can snare myself and be transport by helicopter back to, “everything is fine just the way it is” or maybe that is how I move from here to the next state and I do that by living and cultivating happiness.

It also helps me to understand that happiness lives in the shadows as well.

And then believing that.

What are those states? Are they just a series of moments and the route that I travel is that of the never-ending construction of my self.

 

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7 thoughts on “Serene Adversity

  1. Hi Harlon …I think perhaps that map with your pathways is there inside of you and its made up of love and hope and joy and its gloriously beautiful even thru the shadows where the secrets are often found , just like you express in your sensitive beautiful way…love , megxxx

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  2. What comes to mind Harlon is how we all can recognize our needs as a foundation for what we want to build on. If our basement is leaking, it’s tough to build upwards. Taking care of our human needs to build a foundation for growth is so important. Those human needs are to feel secure, belong, feel validated, love, and have the freedom to express ourselves. This is not a place to reach for the sky, but to take root into the earth first 💛

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  3. Ah! Harlon…the map…the journey…the pain…the fixing the leak! Something tells me that though we are many miles apart…our souls vibrate at very similar levels! A giant hug my friend…and a nod to ‘we are perfect just as/where we are!! ♡♡

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  4. And love to you Lynnclaire, I imagine you are feeling difficult emotions. As you well know, grieving is a process. I wish there was something I could do right now to change your feelings to memories of good times, and you will get there, and I am there with you now in spirit and in heart while you feel the pain of loss. Much love and loyalty, Harlon

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  5. Harlon, thank you for this powerful post… I spent my birthday and the entire weekend painting, pretty much making a mess of two canvases, this my usual prescription for soothing a painful heart that’s leaking energy… howevert, since the unexpected loss of my best friend last week, ‘m experiencing heart break and painting is unable to stop or mop the endless river of tears… My only hope is that the sea of wisdom is filling with these mere drops… Love to you my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

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