Finding The Right Person

I don’t think I am doing this right. I’ve made mistakes before and I will make them again. I really should be doing better, doing more. I could generally just be doing everything better than the way I am doing everything these days. I haven’t exactly lived up to my potential. I should know better by now. What’s wrong with me?

At times, these are the sorts of thoughts that go through my mind. I think now might be a goods time to take a step back a bit and observe those thoughts, but with a gentle intent. 

Just because we think some things doesn’t make all of those things true, they are just thoughts. It’s what the brain is good at doing. It’s actually one of the many things that my brain is exceptionally good at doing. 

Now that I think of if, I am not so bad after all, all things considered.

It’s OK that I am not perfect. What does that even mean; perfection?, All things considered, I think I am doing not bad, in fact I am doing quite well, all things considered.

I gently remind myself I am not alone in this world and I explore the true meaning and power in that. There is so much good in my life and in me.

I’ve heard a little about something called self-compassion. The way I understand it is that it involves being gentle on myself when encountering personal shortcomings or perceived failures. I may not be able to ignore those thoughts of self-doubt, shame or guilt. I can, however, extend kindness to myself in times of perceived inadequacies or general suffering instead of feeling overwhelmed and criticizing myself. I can use this practice for accepting or to motivate myself rather than shame myself. 

I think of my relationship with others. I believe that I am a kind, caring and empathetic person. I go out of my way to please people. I try not to judge others. When I look at the relationship I have with myself, I don’t extend the same kindness. I am hard on myself. I am never really good enough. I have many great friends but I am my own worse enemy.

I think I might give that self-compassion thing a shot.

These days I often feel lonely and I can find myself thinking that’s just the way it’s going to be. It’s my fault that I haven’t found the right person; that someone that would could fix me.

Wait a moment.

I think I may have found the right person.

It’s me.