When The Spirit Moves Me

Posted on by Harlon

I feel like I have been through a lot

at times it feels like too much

it feels like seasons are passing

and I am not turning out to be all I can be

and nothing is happening

I am becoming a lesser version of me

and it feels like I am trespassing.

I feel like I have broken so many of the rules

that  feels like treason.

I guess what I really want

is someone to stay with and believe in me.

I guess what I really want to know,

God, and the power I never really invested in you,

can you tell me, is there a reason?

19 thoughts on “When The Spirit Moves Me”

  1. Sorry to get here late. I’m intrigued by the title you chose for this post. It holds hope. And the question at the end is a searching one. I remember breaking so many rules it felt like treason to my true self, but in time I came back and forgave myself (mostly.) You will too. The reason is that there’s more to learn, and you never know what surprises are right around the corner. As for God, you are deeply loved, in all your versions. Like Melinda said, God is always there for you. God believes in you, Harlon. And so do I.

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    • Thanks JoAnna, for sharing your insight with me and that is why I write, so I can explore the difficcult, get it out of my system and also find support from friends, such as yourself, Blessings, Harlon

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  3. I don’t believe there is ever a reason for our difficulties and our suffering, Harlon, if by reason we mean something along the lines of: we get what we deserve. But at a deeper level I believe the pscyhological pressures magnify and become overwhelming when, for whatever reason, we find ourselves cut off from the source of Love and of Life within us. Call it God if you like. Call it love, the awareness of beauty, the awareness of an authentic presence within us, the desire to know and be known and the realization of this desire’s fulfillment. Wishing you peace, my friend, and a restored connection to what is most you, in you. Companionship is a gift we give ourselves first, I think, and from there it ripples outwards. Hang in there, and may the magnification of difficulty cease, and things fall into manageable pieces for you, my friend. May you discover the companion both within and without!

    Peace
    Michael

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  6. Harlon, once again, you put into words what we humans face at varying times of our lives. We question our reason for being. We question our lack of progress in achieving our dreams.

    I was especially struck by the realization: “I am becoming a lesser version of me.” In a world where only a very selective minority are afforded the opportunities to develop to their fullest, we are all becoming lesser versions of ourselves. It is a symptom of our times. Awareness of where we stand is but the first step in moving forward.

    Be a loving presence in the world around you. The rest will follow ❤

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  9. So you never invested on yourself and ….. basically in the poem you say you are fucked up,
    I got the solution then, we have to write a poem together.

    Something like this….. hit it!

    O dear Lord
    I can ask you only one word
    That is…..Survival of the fitest
    I say so on my behest
    For all you, and you,not the rest

    Love ya my friend, nice poem you got here, as always.

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  11. Harlon
    God is always with you no matter if you’ve paid no mind to him. God sent his only son, Jesus to die for our sins. That’s a huge sacrifice, send your heavenly son to walk on earth and experience life like mankind. He was cut off at every step it seemed, he kept going for you and me. All you do is talk to God, he understands your troubles. Ask for guidance, please steer me in right direction, what your heart is weeping for. The answers won’t suddenly appear yet will come sometimes in the smallest messages. You have to talk and listen closely. If everyone on earth left today, God will be at your side.
    In the past, I would ask God to help get me this or do that, all selfish things. We have to understand God and praise him for the good in your life. The smallest, nano bits you can find. My mother is alive today, I’m alive today, a rainbow, we have to give thanks to God. He will help you, spend everyday on your knees till they hurt. You’ll learn his language.

    I’m always here for you, we walked the same path as a caregiver and it’s exhausting. There were times I wanted just choke gramps. I would make biscuits and just as I brought to table, he wanted oatmeal. Caregivers have to suck it up and carry it around. You are carrying the baggage of two sides of you. Please keep that in mind. I worked so hard to just get 15 uninterrupted time to breath. It’s a thankless job, so is being a mother. We do because we love. That means many times putting ourselves second.

    I hope my last email gave you some ideas on how to reward yourself. Huge Hugs. M

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