Battle Scarred

I have a hole above my heart

it’s there for good keeping.

It’s part of what is keeping me alive

but at the very same time

it means I can’t go swimming or running in the rain in my underwear,

every day it reminds me that I can’t do everything.

Another reminder.

I have a hole above my heart

and I see it each morning

it’s a reminder that something went very wrong

and it didn’t get better

but at the very same time

it means something is keeping me well

it’s like having another heart or a different way of breathing.

I have a hole above my heart

it’s becoming a part of me

I’ll be real and say that sometimes

I think it would have been better off if I had died

all of this, would simply be like sleeping

and wouldn’t that make life easy,

but at the very same time

it is my battle scar

it reminds me that I have the love and support to keep on going

and the courage and the tenacity to keep on fighting.

21 thoughts on “Battle Scarred

  1. Harlon, I am so sorry about your health issues and losing your mom. I lost my mom suddenly in July and it has been emotionally overwhelming so I can’t imagine what it would be like if I was fighting for my life too. I do know this, you are here for a reason and there is a greater purpose. I am not religious but I am spiritual. Just after my mom died two different family members felt compelled to enter rehab to get their lives back. So maybe your mom thought she could look after you better from a different realm. You help a lot of people with your writing and bare honesty. You help me know I am not alone and your attitude is inspirational. So thank you Harlon, for being you.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you for a great comment. Sometimes I wonder why do I write. I know it helps me and it’s great therapy. Hearing that you connect with my words and feel less alone is another great reason and I feel honoured. Thank you for allowing me to be me and letting me into your world. Hugs, Harlon

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing this. It’s something we usually don’t see but need to know about. An honest and balanced perspective is good, especially when the positive side has the last word. You’re getting good at that skill. I’m so glad you’re here and have support to continue on!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much JoAnna, and thank you for your support, it’s part of what keeps me going. I am glad you picked up on something that I didn’t when I wrote this, that somehow when things seem tough and dark and I share those feelings, there is this part of me that will always end up on the positive side. Your reassurance reminded me to have faith in myself, because ultimately, I will be OK. Hugs, Harlon

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Harlon! I held my stomach tight as I read this. I was going to say this is my very favorite but all of your posts are. But this was so beautiful and tugged at my heart.. I’m so glad you are not sleeping but I know how you feel. Your picture is very beautiful too in many ways. I see a nice place to lay my head! Magnificent poem!❤️🌸

    Liked by 2 people

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